This week’s witticisms are about travel. How many times have you gotten fed up with traffic, unexpected construction and detours, travel surprises? Seems you’re not alone. Enjoy this week’s pokes and jokes about planes, trains, and automobiles…
1. “The shortest distance between two points is always under construction.”
– Noelie Alite
2. “Streets full of water. Please Advise.”
– Robert Benchley – US humorist – Telegram to his editor on arriving in Venice.
3. “Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.”
– Johnny Carson
4. “Honolulu, it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.”
– Ken Dodd
5. “Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.”
– David Letterman
6. A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
7. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip round the sun.
8. “There are only two emotions in a plane: boredom and terror.”
– Orson Welles, interview to celebrate his 70th birthday, ‘The Times,’ 6 May 1985.
9. You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine”. – Tommy Cooper.