Wednesday Witticisms: It’s Random Quote Day!

Due to my head being in the clouds and my feet barely touching the ground,  I’ve decided to pick random quotes in homage to my scattered thought patterns these days! Thanks to  Jokes2Go.com for these random thoughts.  Enjoy where the crooked path leads…

1. The Clairvoyant Society has cancelled today’s meeting due
to unforeseen circumstances.
     -?

2. There are still people leading normal lives. Why can’t I be one of them?”  
 – Walter Matthau, The Survivors

3. Teenaged girls use make-up to feel older sooner. Their mothers use make-up to feel younger longer.      -?

4. I don’t jog, it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.      -?

5. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child.  We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.     -Rita Rudner

6. I have a map of the United States…  Actual size.  It says, “Scale:  1 mile = 1 mile.” I spent last summer folding it. I also have a full-size map of the world. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, “E-6”      -?

7. “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”        -Ernest Hemmingway

8. Never speak ill of yourself, your friends will always say enough on that subject.                         -Tallyrand

9. There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know.  Women do.  Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.    -Jerry Seinfield

 

Happy Wednesday!