I grew up listening to Henny Youngman with my parents. He was best known for one-liners that would knock your socks off and playing his violin in between so you could catch your breath. Enjoy!
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food….. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife every finds out, she’ll kill me!
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spent less than my wife did.
The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.