I like to think of myself as a strong person. I believe in being proactive and actively engaged in my life. I pride myself in the ability to set goals and reach them in my professional careers of teaching and writing. I know very well how to identify steps needed to achieve success, and yet, I find myself completely at a loss when it comes to a key component to success: WILLPOWER.
Now, you might say I don’t necessarily need willpower to teach or to write novels, but I do! I need the willpower to grade all the papers in a timely manner. I need stay away from facebook, email, and any other distractions while I’m writing. Am I able to do it? Most of the time, YES! But there are times, I’m afraid, when my willpower weakens and I slack off. That’s to be expected, I imagine. I’m not perfect, and fully take responsibility for the strength and weakness of my character.
There is one thing that has me baffled, frustrated, and rather angry with myself. If I’m able to utilize my willpower during those times mentioned above, why can’t I be successful at using willpower to lose weight, to exercise, and moderate my eating? Why?
Maybe it’s because the thought of not being able to catch my breath scares me. I’m asthmatic and have been there and done that enough as a child. Maybe the thought of giving up the comfort foods I love so much is too painful to consider and makes me angry and resentful. I must validate these feelings of fear, anger, and resentment as I do all my feelings. I must accept them for what they are: a crutch, a roadblock to my success, an easy out.
So, how do I translate the willpower I have to write novel after novel on deadline to the more personal endeavor of losing weight? I realized I must WANT to make a change.
So, for me, before WILLPOWER must come DESIRE. Do I really want to lose weight? YES! I would love to see the figure I had twenty years ago. Okay, even ten years ago would do. I want to, but do I DESIRE to? Seems like a stronger word than WANT. Maybe I really don’t. Do I desire to fit into clothes that I love seeing on other women? YES! Do I desire it enough to break through the roadblocks I have so strongly set in place? I honestly don’t know, but it doesn’t look good at the moment. Apparently, my chances of breaking through those roadblocks have been slim to none over the past ten years. Feeble attempts have garnered good results, and yet it wasn’t enough to keep it going. Grrrr.
I have a strong feeling it’s going to take an EPIC battle between the anger I feel at needing to give certain foods up with the anger I feel about not having the willpower to sustain a healthier lifestyle. Twenty or so pounds. That’s all I need to lose. And yet, it could be two hundred. Writing here, today, is my first step toward a shift in paradigm in my mind and gaining perspective. My road to a healthier weight is certainly not long compared to some, but my defense against WILLPOWER is stronger than most! I have an uphill battle to wage and I’m starting today.
For those of you out there in the same boat as me, I wish you luck and a healthy perspective…