It seems like forever since I’ve been here, writing. It’s been way too long. In all fairness to myself, writing such as this requires deep, ugly reflection at times bared to the world. I am a believer that if you plan to write something down, be prepared for it to be shared. I wasn’t relishing doing so. Yet.
I am now. Why? It’s time. It’s been an emotionally charged, life-altering year for me. It’s been a long road to where I am at right now, and I’m not even done reshaping my world. My life actually changed a couple of years ago when I found out I had a leaky gut, I am intolerant to gluten, lactose, and casein, and due to chronic gastritis, I can no longer drink alcohol or carbonated drinks, or eat a host of foods that I used to treasure. For a person whose social life revolved around food and drink, this news was crushing. I was pissed as hell, bitter, lost, and grieving the loss of my former life.
It took a year to crawl out of my depression and move on from resentment to acceptance. Between last January and today, I’ve taken a spiritual journey, thanks in no small part to a dear friend, Jessica, who virtually took my hand when I was reticent to reach out to anyone, and she has been by my side ever since. Her gentle guidance in seeking out personal growth pathways brought me out of my funk and re-introduced me to… me. I’ve learned about the Law of Attraction, meditation, chakras, limiting beliefs, old conditioning, forgiveness, EFT tapping, “thoughts become things,” and self-care. I get Notes from the Universe and Mike Dooley every day. I read Truth Bombs every day from Danielle LaPorte. I see a therapist now, because even with all the help I’ve gotten from these outlets, none spoke back to me. She processes with me, and I love it! I got not one, but two tattoos.
Learning to consider my needs, putting me first, has been the biggest challenge. I mean, I’ve spent 20-plus years putting my family’s needs first, as I feel I should have, but Eldest is an adult now and Youngest, a teen. Things have changed and allowed my focus to shift back to base. My marital status is changing, too. At first, I had non-stop anxiety attacks, but we are such good friends, our shifting relationship is actually great for both of us. I wear three bracelets every day. One is my author-branded bracelet that says Dare to Believe. A second bracelet says Courage. A third bracelet says Faith. Every morning, and sometimes a few times a day, I say: I dare to believe I deserve to be happy. I have the courage to do what it takes to be happy. I have faith that all will turn out for the highest good of all. My daily mantra. I’m stronger and more confident than I’ve ever been, but there’s more work to be done!
So what makes me happy? That is an ever-evolving answer, but for now: writing, speaking out on issues that matter to me, inspiring and helping others, meditating by the lake, spending time with my daughters, and strengthening friendships.
When tomorrow 2017 comes, and the next day and the next, I will be building on the progress I’ve made by continuing to take care of my physical and emotional health. I’m dedicated to crafting the best second half of my life that I possibly can, and I look forward to posting more often as this fabulous journey continues.
Happy New Year to you all! May 2017 see you happy and healthy!